i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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