On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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