I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
