And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
A+ Viking dick
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
