i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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