my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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