he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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