In America we eat man semen.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
