Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
