Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
