I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
