thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
only if we run a train.
done.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
