I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
