it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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