Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i am craving dick and cupcakes
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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