I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
