I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
