I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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