we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
