She is in my trunk
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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