i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
it glows. i had to have it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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