I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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