So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
