i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
