I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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