chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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