So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
