I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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