i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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