also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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