so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
