I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
