Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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