btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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