I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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