maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
