I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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