he wants to bone in the snuggie
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
