Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
