my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
