Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
