Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
