he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
