dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
