'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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