I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
