before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
