I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
