I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
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