So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
