Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
