I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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