is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
