Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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