I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
