Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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