white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
